Flashlight
by thebooksale
Summary: Chloe confronts Beca about her secret internship aka what should have happened in PP2.
1. Lodge of Fallen Leaves

Beca Mitchell had never been one of those girls who had a lot of friends who were girls. Not until she started college and was recruited into a cult in disguise as an all girls' a cappella group. Slowly but surely, Beca found herself becoming the leader of said cult and participating in girls' night every week, which is totally not the kind of badass image she usually wants to convey. But the heart wants what it wants, and even with her headphones on and the volume turned all the way up, Beca Mitchell can't ignore what the heart says forever. And so after her first year in college, it was goodbye Kimmy Jin, roommate from hell, and hello Bellas' House. Now that she thinks about it, the Bellas have been the best thing that ever happened to her. Three years of great friendship and sisterhood have taught Beca to open her heart, and to give as much love as she has received. Awesome nerds, she calls them. Anywhere in the world, it's hard to find people who care so much about a capella, and even more about each other. The girls have been there for each other through a great many things: they've helped each other study for tests and shared each other's clothes; they've set each other on blind dates and cried together through heartbreaks. And yet, this time, Beca can't bring herself to admit her failure to the people closest to her heart. Not after she has kept the internship a secret from them.

It took a great amount of effort to sneak into her own room without getting noticed. Back in the comfort of her own bed, Beca finally lets out her tears. Her friends have always believed in her. But today, Beca realizes: just because she does a fine job creating mashups for the Bellas' performances does not mean she has what it takes to be a real music producer. Just because Chloe kisses her forehead and whispers in her ear how she thinks she's the most talented person she knows does not mean she's good enough for the world. Oh Chloe…

Chloe always has a way of making Beca feel like she matters, and that everything is going to be okay. Chloe had been the first person to welcome Beca with open arms into the Barden Bellas. In fact, Chloe had been the one who convinced Beca to audition - all thanks to a very intimate duet they shared in the shower that has managed to stay in the back of her head even till this day. When Beca had been reserved and judgemental, Chloe was gracious and kind. Years of pushing people away finally ended when Beca realized that this redhead with a smile so bright that Beca sometimes finds it hard to look directly at her had claimed a permanent place in her heart. They were an unlikely match, but the two became fast friends, and shared a connection like no other. When she closes her eyes, Beca can see Chloe smiling at her, her beautiful blue eyes fixed on Beca, sparkling. Thoughts of Chloe calm her down, and for a split second, Beca forgets what's been troubling her.

A firm knock on her door startles Beca and jolts her out of her thoughts.

"Beca, are you in there?" Chloe asks, a hint of urgency in her voice. Beca sits up as fast as she could, wiping away any traces of tears from her cheeks.

"Just a second, Chlo!" She hurries to the mirror, trying to fix her makeup. The last thing she'd want to do is to make her best friend worried.

Beca makes her way to the door, taking deep breaths to recompose herself. She puts on her best smile and opens the door.

"Hey Chlo!"

"Oh my God, have you been crying?" Chloe pulls Beca into an embrace, her face full of concern. The redhead has always had a way of breaking down any wall Beca has built around her to keep others out, and this time is no exception.

"No!" Beca blurts out defensively. "I mean, yes, a little. But I'm fine now." She lets go of the older girl's embrace. The wall is for Chloe's sake, Beca tells herself.

"What happened?" Chloe insists, determination in her eyes.

"Nothing. I don't want to talk about it." Beca says quietly as she tears her eyes away from Chloe's gaze and makes her way back to her bed. Her shoulder is still warm from where Chloe's face had rested, her neck tingling where she had felt Chloe's breath. There is nothing Beca wants more than to wrap her arms around her best friend again and let everything out. But the thought of being a disappointment to the person who believes in her the most is unbearable.

 _The wall is for Chloe's sake._

Chloe stays at the door. Even while avoiding her best friend's eyes, Beca can feel the hurt in them."So we keep secrets from each other now?" Chloe asks, her voice strangely monotonous. "I'm guessing we won't talk about your internship either, huh?"

Beca feels her heart stop for a second.

"How did… How did you…" She wants to speak but the words would not come.

Chloe steps into the room and closes the door behind her.

"How long were you planning to keep it from me, Beca?" She says quietly, though not quietly enough to hide the pain in her voice.

"I didn't want to disapoint you when I screw it up." Beca finally answers. The words taste bitter as they roll off her tongue.

"Disappoint me? Do I look like someone you need to impress?" Chloe raises her voice, no longer to contain the hurt she felt.

Beca looks up at her best friend; her eyes finally find Chloe's. Even from a distance, she can see the tears that are threatening to fall.

"Chlo…"

"I believe in you, Beca. I always have." Chloe's words are kind but her voice is harsh. "This internship is a huge deal! It's what you've always dreamed about, and yet I have to find out about it from Fat Amy? How do you think that makes me feel?"

"Chloe, I…" Beca tries to find her voice. Her eyes are stinging as they try to hold back tears.

"No, Beca! There's nothing you could say that would make this okay." Chloe takes a step closer to the younger girl. "After everything we've been through together… Does our friendship even mean anything to you? Or is no one else worthy of your trust beside your boyfriend Jesse?"

Tears finally come streaming down from Chloe's blue eyes. She walks toward Beca and sits down on the bed with her head in her hands.

"I thought we were better friends than this." Chloe admits, her voice breaking.

"Chlo…" Beca speaks softly as she closed the gap between the two. Very gently, she starts stroking Chloe's red curls; the tips of her finger slightly linger on the back of the older girl's neck. The sensation makes her stomach flutter. Almost instantly, Chloe leans in to Beca's touch and lets her head rest on Beca's shoulder.

"You're my best friend in the whole world, Chloe, and I would trust you with my life." Beca confesses.

Chloe stays quiet, her eyes downcast, though her breathing has become more even and her tears stop falling.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Beca continues. "This internship was supposed to help me transition to post-college life. And I know how you feel about everyone graduating and going on different paths, Chlo. I don't want all of this to change either!" Beca's hand finds Chloe's, their fingers intertwined. "This…"

Chloe finally lifts her head to face Beca."You and me?" Chloe whispers as she brings Beca's face closer to her own, their foreheads touching. "This won't ever change. And I would never want to hold you back from achieving your dreams, Becs! Don't you know that? I want to be happy for you."

"I know." Beca smiles sadly. "That's why I thought, if you knew I was doing well at the internship, you'd have an easier time accepting it. But today, I found out I totally don't have what it takes to be a music producer. Which is cool and fun to know as I enter the rest of my life."

Silence fills the room for a brief moment as Beca disentangles herself from Chloe's grasp and falls back on her bed, her eyes fixed on the ceiling. Chloe lets out a sigh and lies down next to Beca. With their heads resting on their arms, the two girls turn to face each other.

"Beca, you're the most talented person I know." Chloe speaks softly, her free hand tugging a stray strand of hair behind Beca's ear. Her hand then rests on Beca's cheek, her thumb drawing invisible circle on her skin. "You're awesome, you know that? You're Beca effin' Michell! You're the big BM! The first time I heard your voice, I knew you had something really special. Maybe the world just needs some time to learn what I've always seen in you all along. Maybe *you* needs some time to see that as well."

Beca can't help but smile. She hasn't forgotten her reality, but at times like this, Chloe's faith seems to be the only thing in the world she needs.

"Why can't I write original songs, Chlo?" Beca sighs as the top of her head finds the crook of Chloe's neck. The scent of Chloe's perfume sends her into a state of frenzy, and Beca becomes strangely aware of her own accelerating heartbeat.

"Well, you have a lot going on. Maybe your little brain is maxed out right now."

"Are you calling me stupid?" Beca protests as her friend laughs, the warmth of Chloe's voice seeping through her bones.

"No, silly." Chloe says as she lightly kisses the top of Beca's head. "I mean, a little getaway might be good for you. You just need some peaceful place to get your juices flowing, you know? It's hard to be creative when you have so much going on and secrets to keep."

"Good thing we're heading to that retreat, huh?"

"Exactly. No work, no boys." There's a brief pause before Chloe continues. "It'll be good."

"Definitely." Beca agrees. "Just us."

–

When she wakes up the next morning, Beca fails to remember how they had fallen asleep the night before. Chloe is lying next to her, her chest rises and falls steadily as she is still deep in her sleep. Their foreheads are touching, and Beca feels a strange need to close the distance between their bodies as well. Instead, she reaches out lightly to tug a strand of Chloe's hair behind her ear. Chloe does not have any makeup on, but Beca thinks she looks more beautiful than ever. Beca smiles as she memorizes her best friend's features - her ivory skin, her fiery red curls, and her incredibly soft-looking lips. Beca licks her lips as she becomes intensely conscious of the gap between them.

Chloe takes in a deep breath and straightens her body as she slowly opens her eyes. Upon realizing that Beca is right next to her, the corners of her lips slowly turn into a smile.

"Good morning." Beca mirrors the smile as Chloe blinks to adjust to the sunlight.

"Mornin'. Were you watching me sleep, you lil' creep?" Chloe laughs lightly, completely unaware of the fact that her sleepy voice has set off a million butterflies in Beca's stomach.

"Do you really want to go there, shower intruder?" Beca teases.

"Alright alright. So we're both creeps. That's why we're perfect for each other!"

"There you are, lovebirds," says Fat Amy as she barges into the room unannounced. "The bus is here. Finish whatever you've got going on there and get ready!"

Just as abrupt as her entrance, Fat Amy leaves Beca and Chloe alone, though not without sending a meaningful wink their way. It's a running joke among the Bellas that Beca and Chloe are just like a married couple. And while everyone is aware that it is, indeed, a joke, Beca does find it strange that Fat Amy just *happens* to always overnight elsewhere when Chloe is in their shared room. So either it's an incredible coincidence or the Australian is part of some Bellas conspiracy Beca isn't aware of.

"Alright, this ginger needs to get to her morning routine." Chloe yawns as she makes her way out of bed. "You don't just get 'this'." Chloe gestures at her own body as she heads toward the door. Even under her two layers of blankets, Beca finds herself missing Chloe's warmth.

Beca stares at the redhead's figure as she makes her exit, only to be interrupted by the door closing behind her. She had seen Chloe naked once, when she had joined her singing in the shower. Despite the uncomfortable awkwardness of the situation back then, Chloe was completely confident in her physique, and for good reason. While Beca is generally happy with her own body, even to this day, Beca can still recall how the perfect curves and edges of the redhead's body had made her feel like a short, bald British man. The thought of naked Chloe makes her blush. Beca promptly shrugs it off and heads to the bathroom to get ready herself.

–

The retreat takes place in a beautiful place, but after the long car ride to get there, everyone is sufficiently tired that they don't mind having an early night in the overly crowded tent instead of exploring their surroundings. Once the other Bellas are fast asleep, Beca quietly sneaks out to go for a walk. After her conversation with Chloe the night before, she decides it would be a good idea to spend some time alone with her own thoughts. With a flashlight in hand, Beca makes her way to the lake.

The air is pleasantly crisp. A thousand stars glisten upon the deep, dark blue sky, casting silvery reflection on the perfectly tranquil lake. Beca picks up the flattest rock she can find and throws it across the water. The rock skips multiple times, creating a melody that gets softer each time it touches the surface. Beca watches as water becomes still again. She settles down on the far end of the pier, where she can have the best view of the shimmering sky. The gentle breezes give Beca goosebumps, but she doesn't mind. Instead, she puts one finger in the water, creating ripples of her own. For a moment there, all the stress that comes with her internship, with graduation, with the World Championship seems to dissolve in the cool water. It's difficult to be down in a place so beautiful.

Beca jumps as she feels a light touch on her shoulder. Chloe's perfume seems to permeate in and sweeten the crisp night air. Beca closes her eyes, slightly intoxicated by Chloe's scent. She sits still as Chloe puts a hoodie over her shoulders and quietly sits down next to her. The two best friends exchange a small smile before Beca lets her head rest on Chloe's shoulder. Chloe sighs softly as she moves in closer and wrap her arm around Beca's waist.

"When tomorrow comes  
I'll be on my own  
Feeling frightened of  
The things that I don't know  
When tomorrow comes  
Tomorrow comes  
Tomorrow comes"

Very softly, Chloe starts to sing. Beca lifts up her head from the redhead's shoulder and looks her in the eye. The intricate melody is unfamiliar to her.

"And though the road is long  
I look up to the sky  
And in the dark I found lost hope that I won't fly  
And I sing along, I sing along, and I sing along"

Chloe continues, slightly nodding at Beca. The echo of Chloe's voice softens as silence sets in once again. Beca looks at her friend with confusion, but Chloe gives her hand a gentle squeeze, her eyes never leaving Beca's. A spark goes off in Beca's mind, and she realizes what Chloe is trying to say. Chloe has felt incredibly lost whenever she thinks of her future - a future beyond the Bellas. Just the night before, she had broken down at the thought of their friendship diminishing. Right at this moment, Chloe is singing from the bottom of her heart, to her own tune. It's the first time in a long time her best friend tries to take control in expressing her vulnerability. Beca's lips start forming a big smile as a single tear falls from her eye. Ever slowly, the melody finds her:

"I got all I need when I got you and I  
I look around me, and see sweet life  
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight  
You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night"

Chloe starts to smile the most beautiful smile Beca has ever seen. Amid the surreal backdrop of the shimmering night, the two girls begin to sing the only way they know how: in perfect harmony.

"Kickstart my heart when you shine it in my eyes  
Can't lie, it's a sweet life  
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight  
You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night  
Cause you're my flash light  
You're my flash light, you're my flash light"

Silence surrounds them once more, this time like a warm embrace. When the echo of their voices stops, Beca suddenly knows what she has wanted to do for a long time. With her eyes fixed on Chloe's, Beca places her hands on either sides of Chloe's face and brings it closer to her own. Whatever tomorrow might bring seems of little consequence. Everything fades into a distant background as their lips meet for the first time.


	2. If I look back I am lost

For four years, Chloe Beale has dreamed of kissing her best friend, but what's happening right now certainly exceeds all her expectations. Beca's soft lips taste of sweet mint as they lightly brush against her own. It has always been a wonder to Chloe, how the gentlest touch from Beca could set off a thousand butterflies in her stomach and send her heart into a violent, frenzied rhythm. She can't tell if it's the cold, crisp air or the fact that Beca Mitchell had initiated their first kiss that's making her hair stand on end and sending shivers down her spine. Whatever it was, the older girl has neither the will nor the ability to investigate the real culprit when Beca's hands are buried in her red curls and her tongue grazing Chloe's lower lip. A tide of warmth washes over Chloe at the contact, leaving her limp. Her heart throbs, as if she was about to suffocate, yet Chloe is positive that if she lets go, a part of her will die. So instead of letting go, she pulls Beca closer by the fabric of the hoodie she had wrapped around Beca's shoulders just minutes ago and kisses her senseless, softly at first, and then with a swift gradation of intensity. Her mind is racing with a thousand thoughts - thoughts of responsibilities and implications and lines to be crossed, but the way Beca is nibbling on her lips and the soft moan that is escaping Beca's throat are making her dizzy. And so Chloe Beale clings to her best friend as if she was the sole anchor in a world that's been turned upside down and lets every boundary known to man drown into nothingness.

Chloe feels a little lightheaded as they break for air. Even with a pale ray of moonlight between their faces, Chloe's still very much aware of Beca's hot, ragged breaths tickling her lips and sending tremors along her nerves. She brings her hands up to rest on either sides of Beca's face, her thumb gently tracing the contour of Beca's trembling lips.  
"Chloe, I…" Beca says weakly, a hint of defeat laced in her voice.  
"Shh…" Chloe whispers, her thumb pressing slightly on Beca's lips, doing its part to silence the brunette. "Not now." She says simply, trying desperately to hold on to the moment for just a little bit longer, all while knowing full well everything that was supposed to be said.  
Beca nods lightly in quiet understanding. And so they sit, their foreheads still touching. Neither says another word, but both are acutely aware of what's coming next. The night is getting colder and colder as their surroundings come back into full focus.

–

Before last night, Chloe never would've thought that not being bombarded with Aubrey's gruesome team-building activities would leave a gaping hole in her heart. As it turns out, death-defying experiences can do wonders in keeping memories of the night before tucked in the back of one's mind. Neither Chloe nor Beca had brought up the "incident" (that's what Chloe calls it now, in a futile attempt to avoid triggering the replay of the k… "incident" in her head), nor have they spent any time away from the rest of the Bellas. Every now and then, Chloe would steal a glance at her co-captain, only to catch Beca quickly looking away. Even with the extensive amount of outdoor activities the Bellas were engaged in, Chloe was fairly certain that the crimson in Beca's cheeks was caused by more than just kisses from the sun. The realization had sent Chloe into a brief euphoria then, but in just a little while, they will be back at Barden and none of that will matter any longer.

See, Beca has Jesse. Jesse who will write soundtracks after graduation. Jesse who will certainly make a better match for the talented DJ than Chloe who has repeated senior year three times and has no plan for the immediate future. Jesse who looks at Beca like she is the only person in the world and hangs on to her every word as if his life depends on it. Jesse who is sweet and kind and will be at their doorstep the moment they return to welcome Beca home. Jesse whose girlfriend she's so fantastically, over-the-top, wanna-slit-her-own-throat in love with. Jesse whose girlfriend is her best friend in the whole world, to whom Chloe has promised that their friendship would never change.

–

Chloe all but ran back to her room when their bus arrived at the Bellas' House. She had muttered something about her being exhausted and needing an urgent nap as she forced her way past the Bellas, trying her damnedest to avoid looking Beca and Jesse in the eye on her way up. Jesse has, of course, shown up with his sunny personality, completely unaware that his kindness might as well have planted a dagger in Chloe's heart.

Being a super senior certainly has its benefits. For one, her "seniority" has scored Chloe the only single room in the house. Sometimes she wonders if she should be embarrassed that this room is, saved for the Bellas' track record in national championships, her biggest achievement in her college career. Then again, none of that really matters. Nothing else matters when she thinks about how her own little space has been the venue for many a sleepover with Beca - a place she would come to seek refuge whenever her roommate, Fat Amy, claims their room for her sexual conquests. Through out the three years they have been living under the same roof, not once has Chloe brought a date back to her room. The space is sacred to her, and no one else is allowed to taint Beca's presence that lingers and fills the room even when the DJ isn't there.

Chloe lets out a sigh as she sinks into the mattress of her bed. The softness underneath is certainly preferable to the rocks that were poking against her back every night at the retreat, but it feels colder somehow without Beca lying next to her. Even now, Chloe can still taste Beca's sweet mint chapstick, her lips still on fire where the brunette's have been, and the way Beca was gasping for air in the end the melody she fell asleep to at night. Every time Chloe closes her eyes, dizzy glimpses of Beca's face were all she could see. All four years, Chloe has tried her damnedest to accept the fact that they are nothing more than just friends, but the "incident" has certainly made it much, much more painfully difficult than it already is. _Sure, Beca was the one who'd initiated it, but…_

The soft knock on her door jolts her out of her reverie. Only when when she sits up does Chloe realize her face is wet with tears.

"Who is it?" Chloe shouts as she scrambles to the mirror to make sure she looks presentable. _Thank God for waterproof mascara._

"It's me."

Chloe feels something tugging at her heartstring, like it always does when she hears this voice. She knows who "me" is. And she can't avoid "me" forever. She draws in a deep breath and opens the door.

"Hey Beca," Chloe greets her best friend with a small smile that hurts her mouth.

"Hey Chlo," Beca says meekly as she makes eye contact with Chloe, only to have it broken by the older girl. Chloe steps aside to let Beca in. There is a brief pause where a look of confusion is evident in Beca's eyes, only to be taken over by a wave of realization and sadness. Chloe diverts her gaze to the floor. Beca can read her almost as well she can her. After all, she didn't greet Beca with the usual bear hug that would make Beca squeal in secret delight masked by (not so subtle) feigned offense.

"I uh… You left this one on the bus." Beca says awkwardly as she gestures to the duffle bag in her hand before putting it down by Chloe's desk.

"Oh… Thanks. You didn't have to. I know Jesse's waiting." The words that come out are harsher than Chloe has intended. She quickly looks away from her friend, ashamed of her own bitterness.

"That's okay. He went home. I told him I was tired and needed to rest."

"Oh…" Her feeble attempt at appearing semi-normal is quickly betrayed by the response that comes out perhaps a tad too eagerly.

"Chloe, I think we should talk," Beca finally says, her voice pleading. The simple statement stops the redhead dead in her track.

"Okay." Chloe agrees meekly. Without any strength of her own, she lets her closed door support the deadweight that is her body as she feels a rush of hopelessness taking over.

"You're my best friend, Chlo…" Beca starts with conviction, just a split second before her voice trails off. "But that night… when we… it was…"

"A mistake." Chloe calmly finishes off the sentence as she lifts up her head to look at Beca. A hint of sorrow flashes across Beca's face. She opens her mouth, as if to speak, but all that issues forth is a heavy sigh - a tacit agreement - that makes Chloe shudder. A surge of infinite tenderness courses through her veins at the sight of the younger girl. Beca is sitting on the edge of Chloe's bed, looking even smaller than she remembers.

"It was an intimate setting; we had just written a song together; it was a heat-of-the-moment thing and you don't want it to affect our friendship. It won't be fair to me; it won't be fair to Jesse. I get it." It took every ounce of strength left in her to get the words out. Chloe couldn't imagine how much more painful it would be to hear them from Beca, and she certainly couldn't risk finding out.  
The silence that fills the room is deafening. As Beca avoids her eyes, Chloe knows she has hit a nerve. Any part of her that had foolishly held on to the hope that what happened at the retreat could be the beginning of something great has certainly been torn to shreds by now. The only solace is, perhaps, that she has saved Beca the trouble of destroying such hope herself.

"I can't risk losing my best friend, Chlo…" Beca admits softly, her voice breaking.

Chloe takes a deep breath and bites down her tears as she closes the distance between them. Beca's right. Chloe has spent the past four years in love with her best friend and she can continue doing that now. Losing her best friend, however, is unthinkable. And the thought of ever hurting Beca hits her like a punch in the stomach.

"You won't ever lose me, Becs…" Chloe whispers as she kneels down in front of Beca, her hands cupping Beca's face, gently willing her to make eye contact. "I made a promise, remember?"

"Well you also promised no more of Aubrey's militant cardios but here I am with muscles that have definitely been to the deepest pits of hell," Beca protests with a small laugh that melts Chloe's heart.

"In my defense, I did offer you a back rub."

As soon as the words escape her mouth, Chloe mentally kicks herself for letting her flirtatious tendency get the best of her. Before she can launch herself into a mini panic attack, however, Beca lets out a laugh - a proper one that makes her nose crinkle and echoes around the room. _God, how good it is to hear that laugh again…_ Chloe gets off her knees and sits down next to her best friend. Maybe getting back into the swing of things will be easier than she had previously thought.

"Listen, Chlo…" Beca voice sounds serious again, causing Chloe to spin around to face her in alarm. "I really love that song we sang together that night."

Chloe lets out a sigh of relief. "Me too, Becs." It was my first song, and I couldn't be happier that I wrote it with my best friend."

A brief silence ensues, this time comforting, as they smile, their reflections glistening in each other's eyes. Chloe finally breaks their eye contact as she feels Beca's hand on top of her own.

"I love you, you know."

The soft whisper from Beca leaves Chloe slightly breathless. "I know," Chloe sighs, her eyes fixed on their joined hands. "I know you do. And I love you, too." _Not quite in the same way, but that will have to do for now._


End file.
